Intimacy

Link: Core Values
Focus: Holy Scripture (7/7)
Day: 07/95
Pathway summary: Study of the Word of God with expectation of Holy Spirit inspired revelation.
Justification: (Deuteronomy 6:6-9; Psalm 119; John 16:7-15; 2 Timothy 3:16-17)
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Setup:

Wrapping up the Bible study on Love.  

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Prep:

Today's love-theme is intentional relationality (intimacy).  The secret to resolving nearly all conflicts.

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Execution:

I started off with prayer and had some insights in which I thought I was supposed to head. I followed inspiration and found that the concept of intimacy is even more throughout scripture than forgiveness; add to the mix the fact that many of the subjects in the Bible are nearly-intimacy related ... and you're left with just about the whole thing.  I ultimately wound up being inspired by Galatians 5:22-23, Matthew 10:30, John 15:7, and Jeremiah 29:11.

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Day 7 Conclusions / Thoughts

Intimacy is representative, to my mind, of that class of interactions that are God-inspired and are - as a result, harder for us to master.  Indicative of a subtle form of spiritual attack, when our cultural training basically encourages to eschew mastering the tenets of something - especially something that would help us draw closer to God - it would suggest that perhaps having a culture-independent approach to those tenets.  Seriously, people - look at the phrase "closer to God".  It SCREAMS intimacy.

So how does our culture suggest we ought to grow closer to one another? Spend time with the same distractions, speaking about highly volatile surface issues but hiding our insecurities and frailties, building emotionally fragile relationships, and trusting the mortality plays of public media consumption (television and/or internet) to dictate how best and most-sanely to resolve conflict.

Because life happens in 22 minute bursts and any friendship and/or fight that cannot be resolved during a commercial break isn't real.

In reality, true intimacy is hard - because it requires letting our guard down, trusting someone to not destroy us, and giving them an actual opportunity to take control of our help - even if only in a specific domain. The same is true for siblings, spouses, offspring, and of our connection with God. He makes it far easier than it could be; but, it still takes effort on our part.

This should make sense - we often do not value that which requires no effort - in fact we often take such things for granted. And being blase/bored with someone, taking them for granted, and not being mindful of who they are and the choices they made to be there with you is one of the easiest ways to destroy a relationship - and to splinter intimacy.

Because, at its heart, intimacy is about actively choosing to create an actual bridge between two souls - always tenuous at best - and yet something we are built to seek and for which we yearn.  It is this yearning, I believe, we attempt to fill with addiction, or pain, or control, or whatever. We're hiding from our need for intimacy.

Maybe we don't think we're worthy. Maybe we think we are worthy but not worthy of one particular person's time. Maybe we think we're okay but we are not worthy of a particular opportunity.

However, with God, none of that is true - simply because he willed it so. This is the application of mercy - unmerited favor - we are literally being invited, every moment, to choose again, and again, and again, and again to grow closer to Christ ... that it is still an option .... that we can be encouraged to come BOLDLY before the throne of grace.

Choose intimacy.

Forgiveness

Link: Core Values
Focus: Holy Scripture (6/7)
Day: 06/95
Pathway summary: Study of the Word of God with expectation of Holy Spirit inspired revelation.
Justification: (Deuteronomy 6:6-9; Psalm 119; John 16:7-15; 2 Timothy 3:16-17)
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Setup:

Continuing the Bible study on Love.  These last four days are aspects of living out a path of love

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Prep:

Today's love-theme is forgiveness.  As it were, forging the ivy of bitterness.

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Execution:

I started off with prayer and a little confusion (how do you tackle forgiveness?) The Holy Spirit guided me to several verses (Mark 11:25, James 5:16, Matthew 18:21-22) and gave me a new understanding of the purpose and impact of forgiveness.

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Day 6 Conclusions / Thoughts

Forgiveness is one of those things that masquerades as other things because the impact and execution often is bigger than we might expect. Similar to prayer, forgiveness looks small on the surface. And it never is.  It is a quotidian iceberg.

The proper preparation for forgiveness is usually something as simple as recognizing the need for forgiveness. "He stole my bike", "She cheated on me", "I was fired!" - we each can so easily get tied up in the knots of false perception, of idolatry, of inaccurate or incomplete judgement. We can even more so be trapped under earnest, righteous judgement - how are we supposed to handle standard betrayals? "My Daddy touched me in the wrong place", "My spouse wants to look at pornography instead of me", "My best friend finally revealed she was only ever my friend to get to my brother - this, after ten years of getting to know her."

Forgiveness is the coin we use to "pay" our way across the chasm of crap. Nearly anything can trap us in doubt, in horror, in anger, in rage, in fear, in righteous indignation - and it is easy, when you are so trapped, to feel like there is no way out.  That's where forgiveness comes in - it releases you from the nefariously subtle emotional obligation to continue acting/feeling the same way you have been.

So we recognize the need - how do we do it and how do we keep it?

We do it by simply declaring "I forgive" to those involved. Forgive your wife for leaving your marriage by telling them "I forgive you for leaving me. I release you." - because the truth is, the physical consequences of the action do not go away - but you don't have to carry them around in your heart.  You don't have to rehash the pain, relive the injury, or renew the grievance. You can grow past it.

Forgiving the first time can sometimes be simply an act of will. Just a simple "I will forgive my son" to yourself or to God. Then, without airing the offence, give air to the forgiveness.

There is a release from simply intending to forgive - more with actual forgiveness - and often gives the opportunity to move away from the cause.  Because forgiveness doesn't solve problems or take away consequences ... but it does stop events from spreading, for taking a truly evil action and making it worse.

We keep it by committing to forgive over and over. The part about forgiveness I did not understand until I was older was that forgiveness is almost never a one-time-thing. The first time is the most painful and most public. But, up until God heals your heart, you have to forgive more than once - and over time it becomes a little easier; this is, in my opinion, because you don't have to mull over the decision to forgive again - you just repeat the same decision.

For a non-Christian, although there are near infinite reasons to forgive someone, it is easy to be motivated by the joy of reunion, the freedom of release, the ability to finally reconnect with the world in a way that the pain would not allow.

But for a Christian, in addition to the myriad of ways that the need for forgiveness arises, we have the amazing reality that it gives us a tool to grow closer to God. Additionally, practicing forgiveness in our own lives helps us understand the forgiveness He grants us - it gives us a tool to understand what God means when He says He forgave us of sins.

And I suspect being able to forgive is part of what God blessed us with when He made us in His own image.